


Aftermath

by 1minute



Series: A long way since Budapest [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Clintasha - Freeform, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 06:56:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18806029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1minute/pseuds/1minute
Summary: ENDGAME SPOILERSYou've been warned!!Different ending for the movie / fix-it.





	1. Prologue

Nathaniel was asleep in front of the tv when Clint came out of the kitchen. They were back at the farm, having returned from Tony’s funeral only a couple of hours ago. Their friends had offered to let them stay, but he’d just wanted to grab his little boy and head back home. They needed space to grieve, to start their new life. Clint picked him up, cradling the three year old in his arms. His wife, his daughter, his oldest son… his partner. None of them was ever going to come back. Nathaniel was the only family he had left.  
Clint sighed, trudging up the stairs with Nate fast asleep in his arms. The next day would be long and painful - He might as well try and get some sleep.

Only two infinity stones were left now on Steve’s agenda. He set the coordinates for Vormir, remembering the promise he’d made to Clint. The archer had been devastated when his family did not come back after the snap, and Steve was thankful that at least little Nathaniel had survived. Without Natasha as well, Barton would have been completely lost to them. He’d promised to try and bring her body back, so that they could at least give her a proper funeral. Clint had adamantly refused to hold a service for her before they hadn’t tried, and with Bruce backing him, there had been no discussion in the matter. The equipment was set up near the farm, and Steve had started his journey.  
Arriving on top of the mountain, he was greeted by an eerie view. “I am here to return the soul stone!” For a few moments, nothing happened, and he was about to shout again when a cloaked figure glided towards him out of the shadows. “Return the soul stone?” “Yes. In return I ask for my friend’s body, so we can bury her on earth.” Clint had warned him about the guardian and his scarred, red face that apparently still haunted his nightmares, but looking at him now, Steve almost thought he looked shell shocked. “But… you cannot do this! The stone is yours; a soul has been given in order to obtain it!” “I am not interested in that. I just want to bring my friend home, nothing more. Here.” He put the stone on a nearby rock. Red Skull took it, and studied him intently. “What you have done, Steve Rogers, has never been done before. A soul for a soul, that is the law that binds this infinity stone. You are the first in its very long history to bring it home, and therefor we thank you. The friend you seek lies at the bottom of the cliff. Take her with you, so she may be reunited with her family.” Before Steve could reply, the guardian had already disappeared. He turned towards the cliff, but within moments a tidal wave crashed onto it, pulling him into the darkness.


	2. Homecoming

Natasha regains consciousness very slowly. She tries to open her eyes, but her body refuses to cooperate. She groans and rolls onto her side, trying to minimize the pain coursing through her body. “Natasha? Natasha, can you hear me?” _Steve?! Why is Steve here?!_ She tries to ask him, but all that comes out is a choked sound. He’s kneeling next to her, pulling her up so she can lean against him. She tries to keep up with what he’s saying, but she’s aching all over and her head feels worse than after the time Clint and her challenged Thor to a drinking contest. _Clint._ Suddenly, it’s as if a bomb goes off in her head, and everything comes rushing back – the snap, losing her friends, her family breaking apart, Laura and the kids, Tony lost in space, their desperate plan to get everyone back, finding Clint in Tokyo, going to Vormir, letting go of his hand, hearing him scream while falling to her death - she keels over, nauseous.

Natasha has seen people reach their breaking point, hell, she’s pushed countless people past it herself, has seen what it did to her partner, her friends, those who survived the snap. Now she has finally reached it herself, and she screams. She is shaking in Steve’s arms, gasping for air, her muscles spasming. She knows that this will be the mother of all panic attacks, she’s no stranger to them after all the things she’s seen, but today there is no energy to fight it. The fight has literally gone out of her the moment she went over that cliff. She had not expected to wake up in a puddle in space, Steve’s arms locked around her like a vice, losing control over her muscles with every breath she takes. Steve himself seems to have come to the same conclusion – this is not going to end any time soon. She can feel him forcefully grabbing her wrist and punch in some coordinates before gripping her tightly and teleporting them away. The transport sucks all the air out of her lungs, but before she can react, Steve stumbles and both of them go crashing down onto the platform. Natasha has never heard him swear like that, and she wants to shout “Language!” at him, she really does, but the panic attack is fully here now and pulls her under.

When Steve collapsed on the platform, causing both him and Natasha to hit the floor hard, Clint wanted to strangle him. That feeling lasted until he’d set foot onto the platform himself and saw the state the Captain was in; his hair was disheveled, his eyes red and bloodshot and – most disturbingly – he was cussing in a way that would’ve moved Tony Stark to tears. When he finally registers that Natasha, who he’d seen dead on the bottom of a cliff only a few days ago, is actually alive and breathing, his first thought is “I’m gonna build that man a fucking monument”. He’s at her side within moments, but his joy is immediately overtaken by worry. Her whole body shakes uncontrollably and she’s gasping for air. He automatically falls back into the routine they’d established when she still had flashbacks of the Red Room and later when he’d had a hard time getting Loki out of his head. He pulls her into his arms; her head tucked into the crook of his neck, one of his hands in her hair while the other holds her securely to him. “Eto normal'no, ya tebya ponyal.” He whispers to her, stroking her hair. “Ty v bezopasnosti so mnoy, Natal'ya. Eto normal’no.” Natasha breathes easier, less erratic, and he pulls her closer, so that her ear is now directly over his heart. “Tasha? It’s me, eto Klint.” She holds onto him, relaxing her muscles, burrowing closer. He checks her pulse, noticing with relief that it is returning to normal, and he repeats their mantra in English and Russian to her, over and over again; “It’s okay, I’ve got you. You’re safe with me, Natalia. It’s okay. It’s me, it’s Clint.” When her breathing is normal again and she groans “God, this is worse than Budapest”, he breaks into hysterical laugher and kisses the top of her head. He’s aware that they have an audience, but right now he can’t bring himself to care. She’s here, she’s really here, in his arms. Despite the fact that everything else has gone to hell, she is still at his side.

Clint’s laughter pulls Bucky, Bruce and Sam out of their shock, and soon enough they are all huddled around the two assassins. Everyone hugs Natasha, to make sure for themselves that she really is here and that she really is alive. Bruce immediately insists on letting herself be checked over, but she declines. “I just want to sleep right now. I just... I really just want to go home.” She leans heavily on her partner, her legs not quite holding her up as she stands. “Hey why don’t you guys come all to the farm tonight? I can pick up some take-out in town, Nat can take a nap and if she doesn’t feel better you can check her over.” It’s Steve that finally clears his throat, and for a moment she thinks that something’s off. _Shouldn’t Tony be somewhere around, supervising them?_ “That’s a great idea, Clint. And I still have the last stone to return, so I’ll need you here for that.” Bucky squeezes Natasha’s shoulder before moving aside to let them off the machine. “It’s settled then. We’ll see you guys in a couple of hours.” They say their goodbyes, everyone hugging her again for good measure, before Clint helps her towards his truck, tucking her gently into the passenger seat and driving back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for any mistakes I might have made in Russian.


	3. Bittersweet victory

She feels tears prick at the back of her eyes when she sees the farm again, but frowns when no kids come barreling out the door to greet them. “Why is it so quiet?” she asks as he helps her out of the car and into the house. She’s expecting Laura banging around in the kitchen, Lila chasing Cooper up and down the stairs because he stole something from her again, and baby Nate opening drawers and pulling everything out that’s within his reach. Instead she sees Director Fury reading a children’s book to the half-asleep toddler. Clint eases her onto the couch before turning to their ex-boss who is currently staring at the two of them in what is the first time Natasha has ever seen him speechless. “Hey buddy, do you want to go take a nap?” He picks Nate up and heads towards the stairs. “I’ll be right back.” Fury’s still staring at her, and if she wasn’t so damn tired she would’ve cracked a joke by now. Instead, she stares back at him until he closes his mouth, takes a deep breath and glares at her. “That was the most reckless and stupid ass thing you’ve ever done, Romanoff, and lord knows you and that partner of yours have pulled A LOT of crap on me over the years.” Another deep breath. “Regardless of that, I am also really fucking proud.” He stands up and heads towards the front door, but before he leaves, he looks at her again and there’s the ghost of a smile on his face that makes her choke up. “It’s good to see you, Natasha.”

When Clint finds her a couple of minutes later, she’s frozen on the couch, completely zoned out. “Nat?” She looks at him, really looks at him, trying to read how he’s doing, because by now she’s realized that Laura, Lila and Cooper must be gone. They were her family as well, and to find out only Nathaniel is left breaks her heart. “What happened, Clint? Where is everyone?” He has the same look in his eyes that she saw in Tokyo, when she pulled him under her umbrella in the pouring rain. This time, when she holds out her hand, he’s the one pulling her towards him and together, they stand in the middle of the living room, tears in their eyes. She manages to ask him again, and he tells her everything; How he woke up alone in a shallow pool of water, the soul stone in hand. Heading back to their timeline, seeing everyone make it back alright only to tell them of her sacrifice. Bruce’s snap that almost killed him in the process. Thanos’ attack, the final battle. Seeing him get the gauntlet, Tony making a last stand. Thanos’ shock when nothing happened after his snap. Tony, the stones attached to his suit. Tony, snapping his fingers. Realizing his snap had meant the defeat of their enemy, yes, but at a much higher price than expected. Tony, dying in Pepper’s and Peter Parker’s arms. The pain when he found out his family hadn’t come back and the joy he felt the day after when he was notified that a boy named Nathaniel Pietro Barton had been found. His fight with Steve about her funeral, Bruce and him arguing with the rest of the team until well into the night.Going to Tony’s funeral, holding tightly onto Nate as he saw Pepper console Morgan, the little girl the spitting image of her father.

The sobs come when he tells her that Tony is dead, and by the time he finishes they are both kneeling on the floor and he is holding Natasha so tight he’s not sure she’s getting enough air, but every time he tries to loosen his grasp she tightens her grip on him so he figures she’s okay. He doesn’t know how long they stay on the floor like that, crying. At some point, he asks her if she wants to get out of the suit and take a shower. “Can you help me get out of it?” she rasps, and they drag themselves upstairs into the master bedroom. He makes her sit on the bed and helps her take off her armor. His breath hitches at the bruises on her back, a nasty reminder of the fall she took for him, for all of them. There is a bruise on the right wrist where he had grabbed her while they were dangling off that goddamn cliff, and he gently cradles the injured hand in his. When she’s in the shower, he quickly takes one himself, hurrying to make sure he beats her to it. He pulls out some of the clothes he keeps for her and lays them out onto the bed. Nate is awake by now, so he goes downstairs, sets him up with some toys and makes himself a cup of coffee, and when he comes back up, Natasha is sitting on the bed, eyelids drooping. “How are you feeling?” She smiles at him. It’s an exhausted and defeated smile that doesn’t reach her eyes, but it’s a smile nonetheless. It’s a start. “Like I was thrown off a mountain in space and then came back from the dead?” He winces, and her smile turns apologetic. “Sorry. Too soon?” He puts his hands on her shoulders, moving them up until they hold her face. She leans into his touch, and he presses a soft kiss to her forehead. “Don’t you ever dare to pull a stunt like this again.” She opens her mouth to argue, but he cuts her off. “You’re my family Tasha. No more space cliff jumping for you, okay?” That gets him a laugh, and she leans her head on his shoulder. He combs his fingers through her hair until her breathing evens out, and then he scoops her up and tucks her safely under the blankets before heading downstairs to watch cartoons with Nate on the couch, his bow and arrows next to him.

He wakes up when he hears the first car pull up, and he has his weapon drawn and ready within seconds. It’s only when he recognizes Bucky and Sam that he remembers about the invitation for dinner, and he’s out the door to tell them he fell asleep and that he’ll be on his way right now when they unload boxes and boxes of take out from their own car, grinning at him. “We thought something like this might have happened.” “Yeah, sorry… today was a bit exhausting.” They set the food down in the kitchen and start pulling out plates. “Listen Clint, there’s something you should know.” It’s Bucky’s tone that sets his alarms off, and he narrows his eyes at them. “What did you do?” “Nothing! Nothing, it’s uh… it’s Steve.” “It’s actually good news, to be honest.” Sam throws Bucky a pointed look. “No need to make it sound so horrible!” “Alright can you two just shut up and tell me already?” They exchange another look and almost even sigh in relief when they hear a second car in the driveway. “You should go look for yourself, man. We’ll get the food sorted in here in the meantime.” He throws them another suspicious look before heading outside, but he’s not even halfway out the door when he comes face to face with an old man. “Who the –“ Clint’s eyes widen as he realizes who’s standing in front of him. “Jesus Christ Steve, what the hell did you do?!” The old-man-Steve smiles wistfully before answering him. “I took Tony’s advice and lead a quiet life with the love of my life.” The answer is bittersweet and makes his heart ache, but he understands. How could he not? He masks his pain and invites his old friend into the kitchen. “You deserve it, Cap.”

“Steve?” Her voice is barely above a whisper, but it’s enough for all of them to stop what they’re doing and stare at her, frozen. She’s holding Nathaniel by the hand, the little boy oblivious to the underlying tension in the room. “It’s good to see you again, Natasha.” He gives her a hug, and she finds herself hugging him back fiercely. When they let go of each other, their eyes are glassy and they have identical, watery smiles on their faces. It’s Nathaniel that shatters the moment. “Why are they sad, daddy?” He’s tugging at Clint’s pants, demanding to be picked up. They all look at each other, trying to come up with a child-friendly explanation for the day’s events, but Nate spots the take-out and almost launches himself onto the table. “FOOD!” They all laugh at that, and the little boy seems pleased to have cheered everyone up. They sit down and pass the food around, falling into a familiar rhythm; they’ve done this hundreds of times, they know each other’s preferences to the t. Clint is next to her, and he makes sure that his arm stays on the back of her chair or their legs are always touching the entire time.


	4. Revelations

The guys end up staying past midnight, and by the time Natasha is brushing her teeth it’s already 2 AM. Clint is waiting for her, leaning against the doorframe of the guest room. “You can take my bed. This one hasn’t been used in ages and the room hasn’t really been cleaned in quite some time.” “It’s your bedroom. And it’s closer to Nate, so you should sleep in there. I’ve already kicked you out of it once today, I’ll be fine in the guest room.” They stare at each other, neither of them giving in. He comes closer, taking her hands and resting his forehead against hers. “You and Nate are all the family I have left. Let me take care of you and just take the damn bed, Tasha.” She puts her hands on his chest, right above his heart. “Who’s been taking care of you?” she asks. He starts to answer but she cuts him off. “You’ve been alone for the past five years, Clint. You’ve said so yourself, you’re not the man you used to be.” “I can still take care of my partner.” She puts her hands on either side of his face. “That’s not how this works and you know it. We take care of each other.” He closes his eyes in frustration. She let’s go of him and crosses her arms, fixing him with a glare that would’ve sent anyone else running. “Fine. But so are you.” He stares at her and she delivers her final blow. “Either you sleep in there as well – and you should, because it’s your fucking bed – or none of us do and we can see who can last longer without any sleep.” His jaw clenches, and she knows she’s being manipulative and unfair, but there is no way she’s making him sleep in the guest room in his own home. He stalks into the master bedroom without a word, and both of them slip under their respective blanket. After multiple minutes of tense silence, she reaches out and touches his back. “I didn’t mean to upset you.” He relaxes and turns around, facing her. “It’s alright. I just haven’t slept very well the last couple of years. I try to get by with a couple of hours during the afternoon.” They’re holding hands now, both of them on their own side of the bed with their own pillows and blankets, their hands intertwined between them.

“I’m so sorry it didn’t work, Clint.” She doesn’t have to say what she means by that, he understands her perfectly, and she doesn’t resist when he pulls her into his arms and buries his face in her hair. They’ve spent countless nights like this, just holding each other, when the nightmares resurfaced in the dark. “Why did you do it?” He murmurs into the night. “I couldn’t let you die. Not for me.” “So you chose to die instead? You thought you owed me, is that what this is?” She closes her eyes and breathes him in, burying her face into his shoulder. “You gave me a second chance at life. I couldn’t let you give up the second chance at a life with your family. I’ve done horrible, unspeakable things, and I know – _I know –_ I can’t make up for them, but I can make it even.” Her voice broke. “I never had a family before I met you, and knowing you, and the kids, and Tony and Steve and everyone – it gave me purpose. I knew, in that moment on the cliff, that I would die, but I also knew that it wouldn’t be in vain. I hoped with all my heart that you’d get to see your kids again, that Tony got to go home to his little girl, that Steve would get Bucky back. If my death would give you a fighting chance against Thanos, I had to do it. I’d already lived a life I’d never thought possible. I got to know friendship, and trust, and love; I got to have a family. People like me, we don’t get those things, we are usually gunned down and left for dead in some alley. The stone required one of us to die, and I had already gotten so much more then I deserved. And I wanted you to live – You deserve to live.”

He’s now looking at her, the light from the window casting shadows on his face, his hands wiping at the single tear that’s rolling down her cheek, and his voice is choked when he finally answers. “I thought I’d lost you. Do you have any idea how much it fucking hurt to dangle on that stupid cliff, trying to pull you up, only for you to let go of me? To jump to your death while I had to watch?!” She rubs her hands up and down his arms, trying to soothe him. “It was the only way, and you know that.” “I’ve been alone for five years, Tasha! And then you go and kill yourself because you think you’re not worthy of this life, our love, this family – what would I’ve been supposed to do if Nate hadn’t come back either?!” “But he did come back, and so did I.” “Because we got lucky! How would I have explained all of this to him? To raise a child that’s too young to remember his mother, his siblings and the woman he was named after!” “You would have given your best, and you’d have been fantastic at it.” His jaw is still clenched and she’s running out of things to say that might make him see reason. “What do you want me to say, Clint? You were there, on Vormir. You heard what Red Skull said.” “He said that in order to obtain the soul stone, you had to sacrifice what you loved most.” Her eyes snap to his, and she pulls back, only to find his gaze locked on her, determined and unwavering. “It wasn’t just the red in your ledger, was it?”

 _No. Nonononono._ She doesn’t like where this is going. She’d locked that part of her away the moment she learned of Laura’s existence. Natasha can’t stand being this close to him right now, but he knows her and he’s strong and blocking the door before she can get to it. “You don’t know what you’re saying. You just lost your family – your wife, your kids. You’re grieving, and you’re not thinking straight.” “My family has been dead for five years.” A step towards her. “You just got your son back.” “I know. And I am eternally grateful, but that is not what we’re talking about.” One step forward for him, two steps backwards for her. “Why did you do it, Natalia?” He’s the only family she has left. The only one left in the whole world who knows the name she was born with. So she closes her eyes and takes a step towards him, before opening them again. “You would’ve lived on without me, as long as you had the kids.” “With a broken heart and feelings of guilt of epic proportions because I let you die on my watch.” “Clint…” “What happened between us was on me. I was the one who accepted that solo mission where I met Laura. You know that, right?” He’s standing in front of her again. “It takes two to tango.” “But only one to screw it up.” “You didn’t screw it up, you fell in love! And you were happy, and you loved the life at the farm!” “That is not the point here!” “Then what is the point?! What do you want from me?” They’re both breathing heavily, knowing that whatever happens next will undoubtedly change their relationship – they just don’t know if for better or worse. “They’re gone, Tasha. They’re gone and I was lucky enough to get you and Nate back, and I’ll be damned if I let you go a second time.” With that, he has one hand in her hair and one at her waist, pulling her to him and crashing her lips onto his, and it feels like home. She remembers the beginning of their partnership, dancing around each other’s feelings, pretending not to notice how they were affected by each other’s presence; their first kiss and all the nights that followed on a mission – _the mission_ \- in Budapest, pretending to be part of their cover. Him accepting a solo mission directly afterwards, because he “needed space”. Him coming back after months and months of radio silence, telling her he’d met a girl. Watching him build a life with her, becoming Auntie Nat, the godmother of his children. Getting used to being partners again. The Avengers initiative, Loki, Ultron, Thanos – all of which had brought them here.

When they come up for air, their foreheads are touching, and they’re sharing the same breath. “What are you saying?” Because she needs to hear him say it, needs to hear it coming from him. “Look at me.” She does. His eyes are dark in the dim light of the room, and she doesn’t waiver under his gaze. “I’m saying that I won’t screw it up this time. If you’ll have me.” She brushes her thumb over his lips, tilting his head towards her, and then she kisses him softly. It’s a tentative kiss at first, they haven’t done this in years, but it soon evolves into a hunger that makes them stumble towards the bed and lose themselves in each other for the rest of the night.


	5. Sunrise

Clint wakes up gasping and immediately looks to his left, where Natasha is still asleep. The blankets have slipped down, revealing part of her naked back to him, and he traces her spine with his fingers, careful not to touch any of the bruises that still mark her skin. He knows she’s awake now, and he pulls the blanket up over her shoulder and snakes his arms gently around her waist. It’s still dark outside, but they are alert, their years as spies having left their mark. She turns towards him, groaning softly, and he presses a kiss to her forehead. “What are we doing, Clint?” He tightens his arms around her and buries his face in her hair. “I don’t know.” She tenses, and because she’s Natasha and he knows her so well he knows that she’s going to give him a way out. So he throws caution to the wind and pins his deadly partner to the bed before she can untangle herself from him and disappear into the guest room at the end of the hall. “Stay.” She huffs and rolls her eyes at him, because she’s his partner and she probably knew he was going to make this move before he even knew it himself. “I am not losing you again, Tasha. No fucking way.” “I wasn’t planning on leaving! But you just lost your family for the second time in five years and this – “ “Don’t you dare say it!” His tone is harsh, and suddenly he finds himself slammed onto the bed while Natasha picks up one of his shirts and pulls it over her head.

He scoots to the edge of the mattress, a pleading look in his face. “It’s not a mistake. You and I are many things, but we are NOT a mistake and you know it.” He holds out his hand and she takes it hesitantly, letting him guide her towards him until their foreheads are touching. “Stay with me.” He whispers again, and this time, she hugs him. “You’re my best friend, Clint. I don’t want to lose that.” “I know. You’re my best friend too, Tasha. Nothing will change that.” She pulls back and in the semi-darkness of the room, she kisses him. “It’s you and me, Tasha.” He murmurs against her lips. He knows she still hasn’t quite recovered from Vormir, that the exhaustion of the last five years is still there. He can see it in the tense way she holds herself and the guarded movements she makes that have nothing to do with her injuries. He sees the weariness in her eyes, and he’s sure she can see the same in his. When he lost his family the last time, it had almost driven him insane. This time, he had Natasha and Nathaniel. He had them to keep himself grounded, to take care of. They would take care of each other. “Come back to bed.” He coaxes her back into the sheets and tugs her safely against him. He watches the sunrise outside the window as she relaxes against him. “It’s okay. We’re gonna be okay.”

He gets up carefully a couple of hours later, making sure not to wake her which is a feat in itself. He checks in on Nate before starting up breakfast downstairs. When he comes back to wake them, the scene in his bedroom threatens to make him cry; Natasha is still curled up in the sheets, but Nate is cuddled up against her, and she’s softly speaking to him in Russian. She holds out her hand, and he’s across the room and next to them in a heartbeat. “He had a nightmare and came in here.” Clint’s eyes soften at that. “I made breakfast.” “It sounded more like you were tearing down the kitchen. At some point I was worried someone attacked you and I’d have to save your sorry ass.” He looks at her, mouth slightly agape, and for a moment she thinks it’s too soon. Too soon to make jokes about fighting, about having to save each other; but then a wicked grin stretches across his face and he wiggles his eyebrows at her suggestively. “You love my ass.” The way he says it is just so _Clint;_ it makes her happier than she’s been in a long time and she laughs. She laughs until there are tears in her eyes and her stomach hurts, waking up Nathaniel who stares up at them in confusion before being tickled mercilessly and then swung around by his father. Clint smiles at her, a genuine smile that she hasn’t seen in years, before kissing her and heading down for breakfast with Nate so she can get dressed. That is the first time she believes him. _They were gonna be okay._


End file.
